IS IT SAFE TO SAY?

After school at nana Lopez’s house, no one forced Alica and I under the kitchen table, and no one told us to kiss.

At 6 or 7 years old, it was apparent we had some type of liking for each other, enough to experiment on another. I remember being falsely accused of touching a classmate (boy) — but I was under the table with Alica.

Or even in 2nd grade @ P.S 223Q, when Ashlee and I would take regular trips to the bathroom. Writing cuss words like “shitt” & “dam” on the bathroom stalls — throwing wet paper towels at the ceiling. We were dry humping and kissing in there too.

Thinking boys were cute was a norm, not enough to allow them to touch on me. For some reason this orientation was prohibited, of course at such a young age. Also, maybe I knew I wanted to experiment, keeping in mind I would get into trouble if it were a boy. The consequences if it were a “girl”, was never ‘touched on’’. I also knew not to run home and say I had a girlfriend. Weird.

Besides curiosity, I do not know what led me to behave this way. Would it be safe to say, little boys carried on the same way? Is it safe to say we decided, because we all experimented in some way or another (how far we took it is diff). Are we born naturally connected to the same sex? Or does our environment in and out the home, shape who we become? Even as far as our sexuality and who we love?

As I ramble, I do believe one is born either straight/gay/bi-sexual/trans-sexual etc. You find out in life as you grow and get to know yourself even better. I understand the mishaps that may cause confusion in ones life, as far as their sexual preference is concerned. I acknowledge that and my heart is with them.

Whether you like both male and female, your same sex or the opposite; trust you have had interest for some time. Some noticed at the age of 6 and some noticed at the age of 26. Now when you decide to say so, and let the world know, is totally different; and also 100% up to you.

What I am sure of is, later in life this only proved that I have/had some type of interest in women. As a mom, “girl friend”, I know I want to be with a man, YES this is true. It was here and there that I didn’t mind “kissing a girl”. From when I was 6, it is clear; hence I continued experimenting.

At the end of it all, It does not matter who you decide to love.

PLUS, as adolescences, girls thought of boys as cooties, and vice versa. Therefore at one point, we only wanted to play with other kids alike, or however we identified ourselves as. As a girl/boy, woman/man; would it be safe to say we always wanted to interact with those who were like us? From the bathroom we use, to the toys we played with, or the shoes we like. In a lot of cases, unless we had a sibling of the opposite sex, it did not seem common to come into this world eager to play with the opposite sex. It is however, promoted in the classroom for younger kids to get along and play with EVERYONE. But once kids start to understand, feeling and how another can be the culprit of it: “Ray Ray, leave them girls alone.” or “Shantia, why are you sitting with those boys?” The innocence of our youth! Is it safe to say we were looking for similarities in others since day 1. And as we grew, we then wanted to sit with whom, we like-like? Is it Alica, or the boy who I shared my virginity with?

-Malaysia’Monét J.

Quote of the Auracle; Alot of the time you are required to pick a side, but you cant pick who you love.

Affirmation; I will not worry about the things that I cannot control.